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GoodLifeFamilyMag.com MAY JUNE 2016 19 TELLING THE KIDS In a perfect world most experts will advise a divorcing couple to sit down with each other and work out as many details as possible before bringing their children into the loop. Kids of all ages some more than others will naturally experience anxiety when they learn their parents are divorcing. However according to Anderson if parents have already determined answers to questions such as Where will we live and Where will we spend the holidays it can significantly help reduce that anxiety. Of course it cant always happen that way. Perhaps one parent has already walked out or begun a new relationship before the kids have been told about it. Sometimes divorce happens more like a shot than a rolling ball Anderson says In cases like this I suggest clients talk to a professional counselor someone who works with kids in their childrens age group before telling them whats going on. However even if one parent has already left Its best to tell their kids about the divorce together. Kids need to hear that its not their fault and that their parents will always love them no matter what he says. BALANCING EMOTIONS While many people going through a divorce will tell you its one of the most difficult things theyve experienced the guilt associated with their children is nothing short of heartbreaking Anderson says. Everyones different he adds. And while parents need to give themselves some time to deal with their emotions I know that time is also limited in this situation. Parents cant put their kids feelings on the backburner until theyve dealt with their own. For this reason and others he recommends counseling for the entire family as soon as possible. Counseling can be a tremendous help in providing the necessary tools to get through the process. But youre still going to have to do the work he says. A counselor cant do it for you. In some cases clients require medication to help manage their emotions but worry that it might come out in any divorce-related court proceedings. Anderson says Its better to take medication if it helps you care for yourself and your kids than be unable to do so. Dont be afraid to discuss medication options with your doctor and even your lawyer. BALANCING LIFE When parents agree to work together they often find its easier trading off responsibilities and giving each parent a little break. While we all know the health benefits of getting proper rest eating well and exercising regularly keeping a normal routine can be difficult during divorce but it is certainly important. While it shouldnt be at your kids expense this is actually a great time to start doing the things youve said you want to do Anderson suggests. He also suggests adding more participation in faith meditation or other activities the parents find meaningful. MOVING FORWARD While theres no perfect time for divorce maintaining a sense of balance within the family can make life less stressful for everyone involved. Its easy to understand how parents can get so wrapped up in their own hurt that they lose sight of whats important. However if they remember to put the kids best interests first seek help with their own raw emotions rather than dumping them on the kids and maintain as much balance as possible theyll have a much better chance of getting past the hurt and staying balanced in the areas that are important. Reach Jeff Anderson at ONDAfamilylaw.com. Parents cant simply put their kidsfeelings on the backburner until theyve dealt with their own. While parents need to give themselves time to deal with their own emotions that time is not unlimited and the needs of their children must be a priority. - Jeff Anderson ONDA Family Law goodADVICE Sometimes divorce happens more like ashotthan arolling ball. In cases like this I suggest clients talk to a professional counselor someone who works with kids in their childrens age group before telling them whats going on. - Jeff Anderson ONDA Family Law