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Giving the Keys SANDWICH GENERATION PARENTS FACE THE WORRY AT BOTH ENDS by AliciaWanek Driving is independence. The freedom to jump in the car and go where you want when you want is a privilege that is integral to the lifestyles we lead. When a teen gets a drivers license his or her world expands exponentially but what about when they have to stop driving In contrast to a teen drivers expanding world giving up driving for a senior can make their world seem much smaller. Sandwichgenerationparentsareoftencaughtinbetweenthetwoextremes both giving the keys to their teens and taking the keys away from aging parents can be a tricky place to be. Local mom Tammy Komenda has new teen drivers and she recently had to convince her father to stop driving altogether. She says As part of the sandwich generation you go from taking your kids to all academic and sports events to taking your parents shopping and to doctors appointments. Whether youre the parent of a new driver or the child of an aging parent its important to look at the situation from their point of view. Mary Sanger licensed marriage and family therapist at Insights Collaborative Therapy Group explains what driving means for a teen. For most teens getting a drivers license is a milestone. It provides them with an opportunity to differentiate from parents in a more profound way. Differentiation from family is a necessary and important part of being a young person. It has to do with our ability to manage the natural desire we all have to both be autonomousandalsoattachedinrelationships.Beingabletodrivegainsteens more independence freedom and opportunity for making independent choices - all important components of autonomy. For elderly adults its all that in reverse. To a senior giving up driving is taking away that autonomy and making that transition can be a very sensitive subject. David Stanley of Custom Caregivers says When we talk about taking away something we automatically create conflict. After all theyve likely been driving almost their whole life. Stanley suggests We spend too much time talking and taking rather than listening and giving. Try to put the decision-making back in their court. Ask your parent how best to accommodate them during the transition and keep them safe at the same time. Taking away causes humiliation. Creating understanding and accommodation is empowering Stanley reminds us. How can we help a senior understand that giving up their drivers license isnt the end of the world Sanger says I think whats important is for older parents to still know they have many ways to have a sense of autonomy. Driving is only one aspect of that. Encourage them to keep other responsibilities such as coming up with the holiday menus or educating your tween on what a budget is. Remind them of other ways for them to have independence and freedom of choice. Resources like Custom Caregivers can be invaluable for a senior. Stanley says We provide transportation services that help seniors regain some of the independence they feel that they have lost. We take people grocery continued on page 75