Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 16 Page 17 Page 18 Page 19 Page 20 Page 21 Page 22 Page 23 Page 24 Page 25 Page 26 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 Page 30 Page 31 Page 32 Page 33 Page 34 Page 35 Page 36 Page 37 Page 38 Page 39 Page 40 Page 41 Page 42 Page 43 Page 44 Page 45 Page 46 Page 47 Page 48 Page 49 Page 50 Page 51 Page 52 Page 53 Page 54 Page 55 Page 56 Page 57 Page 58 Page 59 Page 60 Page 61 Page 62 Page 63 Page 64 Page 65 Page 66 Page 67 Page 68 Page 69 Page 70 Page 71 Page 72 Page 73 Page 74 Page 75 Page 76 Page 77 Page 78 Page 79 Page 80 Page 81 Page 82 Page 83 Page 84GoodLifeFamilyMag.com NOVEMBER | DECEMBER 2016 53 DO KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE CHILDREN. Focus on what they need and want, and you likely won’t go wrong. DO KEEP THE PEACE. Work on giving your child the gift of peace and resist any urge to engage in conflict with your child’s other parent. Your child will be grateful! DO GIVE YOUR CHILD JOY—another word synonymous with the holidays. With your focus on the child, peace, and joy, it’s a sure bet that you are providing exactly what you and your child need. Give the gift of joyful memories to your child. DON’T FOCUS ON YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS,especiallyyourchild’sotherparent.When you focus on others, your own peace is thwarted, and you are tempted to engage in a conflict. Your child does not want or need conflict during this holiday season. DON’T FOCUS ON YOUR “RIGHTS.” When you focus on your rights, you lose sight of your child. Ask yourself, how important your feud with your ex really is. Again, keep your eyes squarely on your child, and you’re certain to move in the right direction. DON’T GRIEVE WHEN THE HOLIDAYS DON’T LOOK EXACTLY AS YOU THOUGHT THEY WOULD. This will take away your child’s joy. Instead, focus on creating new experiences and traditions with your children. Keep your focus on the gift of joy for your children and you won’t go wrong. During the holidays, what matters is how you act andwhatyousay.“Focusonhowyouwantthechildren to be treated. Try and stop thinking about what your ex is doing wrong and above all, do not trash your ex to the children, who crave a positive environment,” said Mueller. “When it comes to teens, do your best to redirect attention to the environment that you want to create, and if they are not going to participate, don’t force the situation. Many judges will actually create a custody schedule wherein older teenagers (i.e. 15 years of age and older) are allowed input, so make sure you foster the peaceful setting where your child will want to celebrate the holidays.” Research shows that one of the greatest detriments that can befall a child is conflict between the parents. “It’s critical to allow our children to grow up with as much peace and harmony as possible in order for them to develop well,” said Dr. Dean Beckloff, whose North Dallas practice, Beckloff Pediatric Behavioral Center, is dedicated to helping kids become kids again. “Many parents don’t realize their children’s suffering and the impact that will remain from living in homes with high levels of stress and disdain between parents.” Remember, Santa is a flexible guy—he can get everywhere he has to be—and Hanukkah lasts for eight nights. The date on the calendar when you celebrate with your children is far more malleable than a child’s heart. Once you accept that it isn’t your “turn,” you have to help your children to have the very best experience they can while with their other parent. “Keep your eyes on your child and respect the celebrations of the other side of the family too,” said Dr. Beckloff. “You may be in different homes, but co- parenting, focusing on the ‘co,’ and the ‘parenting,’ is critical. Respect and peace are the very best gifts you can give.” Sources | See their bios on page 9: Jim Mueller, managing partner, Verner, Brumley, Mueller and Parker P.C. | vernerbrumley.com 214.526.5234 (Dallas) 972.562.2212 (McKinney) Dr. Dean Beckloff, Beckloff Pediatric Behavioral Center drbeckloff.com | 972.250.1700 “It’s important to remember that the holidays, and all of life, are not out of a storybook—but are your own story that you write for yourselves. The situation you are in may not be how you envisioned it but just revision it...make it about being together." - Jim Mueller, family law specialist “You may be in different homes, but co-parenting, focusing on the‘co,’and the ‘parenting,’is critical. Respect and peace are the very best gifts you can give.” - Dr. Dean Beckloff, pediatric behavioral specialist DO’S AND DON’TS OF MANAGING THE HOLIDAYS by Dr. Dean Beckloff | Contributor