56 GoodLifeFamilyMag.com MAY | JUNE 2017 by Dr. Dean Beckloff | Contributor Protecting Our Kids Yeesh! Is it hard to be a parent! With our tweens or teens, the challenges loom large. The choices our kids make at these ages have a much stronger impact. They now have social and academic implications and even perhaps legal ones! Once our kids go down the wrong direction, we’re suddenly leaping to either over-protect or we’re coming down harshly on them. Over-protecting. Over-indulging. Over- coddling. When does a parent go too far in this direction? Perhaps the key to discovering this one is to know who is being impacted – the parent - or the teen. What I mean by that is – if you as the parent are suffering more internally than your teen, perhaps you might check out what is going on with you. So, when your student is suddenly failing Pre-AP Geometry, and you’re tempted to go up and have a “meaningful discussion” with the teacher…. you may be moving in the direction of over-protecting. Not making the varsity team, not getting in the right prom group, not getting into the favorite college, and so on – if you have a strong desire and inclination to solve the problem for your teen – you may be over- protecting. When we over-protect and take charge, we are stealing from our children. We are stealing from them the ability to learn how to stand on their own two feet. We are stealing from them the challenge of learning how to fall, to get back up, dust themselves off and keep going. And finally, we’re stealing from them growth in confidence, self-esteem, and discovery of new abilities. And the consequences for the parent? We have a phenomenon that has now gained ground in our culture – parents taking care of their twenty-agers, and thirty- agers. We have parents who are now raising their children’s children because they cannot take care of them. When we over-protect and take charge, we are stealing from our children….the ability to learn how to stand on their own two feet. goodADVICE How Much is Too Much?