Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 16 Page 17 Page 18 Page 19 Page 20 Page 21 Page 22 Page 23 Page 24 Page 25 Page 26 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 Page 30 Page 31 Page 32 Page 33 Page 34 Page 35 Page 36 Page 37 Page 38 Page 39 Page 40 Page 41 Page 42 Page 43 Page 44 Page 45 Page 46 Page 47 Page 48 Page 49 Page 50 Page 51 Page 52 Page 53 Page 54 Page 55 Page 56 Page 57 Page 58 Page 59 Page 60 Page 61 Page 62 Page 63 Page 64 Page 65 Page 66 Page 67 Page 68 Page 69 Page 70 Page 71 Page 72 Page 73 Page 74 Page 75 Page 76 Page 77 Page 78 Page 79 Page 80 Page 81 Page 82 Page 83 Page 84GoodLifeFamilyMag.com MARCH | APRIL 2017 41 goodADVICE Whenyouletyourchildrendothetalking—withoutfeedback, opinion, or criticism—they are more likely to keep talking. When they keep talking, they are more likely to connect the dots on their own. When they link cause and effect in the context of their personal experiences, they learn to adapt those lessons to new situations in the future. When we speak up, we interrupt that process. We “short-circuit” the pathways that lead to learning new lessons and building new skills. They don’t need us to solve every problem for them. Just like when they were toddlers, they need to learn how to do it themselves. When we refrain from talking too much, we increase the likelihood our kids will come to us when they need us in the future. When they know we will listen instead of immediately reacting, when they know we will involve them in problem-solving, and when they do not have to fear our responses, we become a resource to trust instead of an authority to hide from (or lie to). The less we say, the more they figure it out for themselves. And those are the lessons that stick. If we do it right, they will hear us even when we don’t say a thing. BE AVAILABLE Teens don’t plan their emotional needs on your schedule.They may want to talk late at night when you’re exhausted and not in the mood for a long conversation. Takewhatyoucanget,oryouriskgetting nothingatall. EYE CONTACT IS OVERRATED Adults may prefer “eye to eye” conversations, but teens may feel safer not having to look at you directly, especially when discussing emotional subjects. Take advantage of parallel “postures,” such as driving in the car, doingdishesafterdinner,etc. CURBTHE INTERRUPTIONS Learn to tolerate silence. It takes time for teens to review information, consider their feelings, and reach their own conclusions. Allow the opportunity for their “wheels to turn”a bit. The minute you jump in with a question or advice, you shut down their own processing, depriving them of the opportunity to learninwaysthatsticklongterm. BE A CONSULTANT,NOT A COACH When your child wants your opinion, he will ask (I promise). If you just can’t help yourself, ask permission before giving advice.“Would you like my opinion?”or“I have some ideas about this. Do you want to hear them?” Even if a “correction” in behavior is warranted, give your child a chance to propose a solution first, e.g. “How do you propose we handle this?” Your teen may propose a consequence even more strict that you would have imposedyourself. When they know we will listen instead of immediately reacting, when they know we will involve them in problem-solving, and when they do not have to fear our responses, we become a resource to trust instead of an authority to hide from (or lie to). THE ART OF LISTENING FormoreinformationortoreachDr.Sugerman,contactGirlstoWomen andYoungMen’sHealthandWellness,www.GTW-Health.com.